Coming back has made me reminisce about the last time I came to live here, and the many new experiences I had. One that most travelers will go through is bathroom shock. I don't exaggerate when I call it an experience to use a restroom in China. For the first several months of my previous stay, I dreaded the moment I would have the "urge" and not be able to find a standard western toilet. By now I've relinquished any hesitations and can freely go in most any restroom. I'm sure you've heard about them, but if not, consider yourself officially informed.
It's a bright, sunny day and for once, there are blue skies. The chill in the air does not deter you. You merely pull on your coat and move on. It's time for an outing to one of China's popular tourist destinations. You stop by a restaurant serving one of the city's signature foods. It was delectably impressive and you can't wait to brag to your friends back home that you've tasted "real" Chinese food and it's nothing like what they've tried. You're walking down the sidewalk, ready to upload your food selfies to all forms of social media (via your VPN) when all of a sudden you get the infamous call from mother nature.
A quick head swivel to the left and right, have not returned any valid options for bathrooms. You're on a crowded street full of small shops and restaurants, but not one of them has a public bathroom. It's no wonder you find babies and full grown men defecating publicly on the sidewalks. After thinking about this, your mind starts to get crazy ideas, but you pull yourself together and turn back to your phone to figure out how to ask for a restroom.
Fortunately, the Chinese people are more than happy to help and one points you towards a blue sign way up in the air, with the signature man and woman symbols painted across it with an arrow pointing to the left. You hurry in its direction and come to face two doors adorned with Chinese characters. After you finally figure out that the 女 (nu) on the door means girl and 男 (nan) means boy in Chinese, you enter, only to be met by the overwhelming scent of urine. Perhaps you had noticed it outside of the bathroom, but had hoped that it was only present due to a child having used the hallway or garden right outside as a squatting place. This is something you will never get used to, but it will become less shocking over time.
A bit more advanced than a hole in the ground (at least in the cities) but still just as awkward. Figuring out how to properly squat without making a mess out of things is probably the hardest thing about it. The mess you can find coating the floor and toilet can add to one's reservations. Toilets are rarely considered a clean or immaculate device, but Chinese toilets can, at times, take the term "messy" to a whole new level. If you're lucky and find a western toilet while out and about, you then have the added hassle of figuring out what each of the two buttons located on the top of the tank are for. The However, the buttons on these dual-flush toilets merely dictate the level of water that is flushed.
As if having to squat over a hole wasn't bad enough, as soon as you've finished your business, you look to your right only to notice that the toilet paper dispenser is empty or missing entirely. You frantically search around your cubicle where you come to the conclusion that the last guy must have run off with the whole container. There's an overflowing trashcan full of discarded toilet paper (because Chinese do not want clogged public toilets I assume), but where did it come from? Who in their right mind would have a toilet without toilet paper? That's like having cake without ice cream. Tea without crumpets. Liver without onions. Ok, maybe food analogies were a bad example in a blog on toilets.
You stop sweating though, as you suddenly remember the handy packet of tissues you had put in your pocket earlier. These little supermans not only work to stop that runny nose, but also as toilet paper and napkins. I swear nothing is as necessary to keep on you at all times, not even cash (I'm not sure I would trust Chairman Mao to get me out of this crappy situation). Crisis averted.
Or is it? As you rush to escape this devilish nightmare, you turn on the faucet where your hands are met with icy cold daggers, (unless it's summer, then you might get luke warm) so you do a quick once over and instinctively look around for the container of soap where upon you find none. You're starting to notice a trend. Is the saying "less is more" really the motto of China? Half a toilet. No toilet paper. Now this?? A lady comes out of a neighboring stall a moment later and you consider fumbling for the word "soap" in your dictionary but she obviously has no desire to talk as she heads straight for the exit. As do the next two. You resign your self to a few more run-throughs in the iceberg still running out of the tap and decide to call it a day. This experience was enough adventure for one day.
Now this story is by no means everywhere. Many malls and other buildings have standard western toilets with adequate amounts of regularly stocked TP and soap. But public restrooms found on the streets, train stations, older buildings and most areas outside the big cities will be similar to this. Don't feel that you have to designate eating and drinking strictly to your home quite yet though. There are a few simple measures you can take to make even the most dreadful bathroom experience better. Bring along a packet or two of the tissues mentioned earlier. They can be found most anywhere including big supermarkets, convenience stores and the little stands where you can buy drinks. You should also keep some hand sanitizer on you. While it doesn't replace soap, it can certainly do the job until you find some. I assure you, you will not be short on reasons and situations in which to use it.